| | Through Sadness Comes Growth | | Terry A. Fulton | | |  It has been 16 months since I received the call to move
from my beloved parish. I had been there for seven years and was looking forward to at least another five years. I had fallen in love with my parish and with the town, and the feeling was mutual.
Everyone in town knew who I was and respected the fact that I was the local parish priest. I was always seen in public places wearing my Roman collar, in spite of the bad press Catholic priests were receiving. I had blessed a helicopter for the local search and rescue team. I had conducted baccalaureate celebrations for the local high school graduating classes for several years.
Since I am a Vietnam Veteran, I belonged to the Veterans of Foreign Wars and had spoken at Memorial and Veterans’ Day celebrations for several years. I celebrated weekly Masses with a vibrant youth group band and large youth group both in high school and junior high school. The parish had many active ministries serving both the Anglo and Hispanic communities, and I was very involved with them. I loved these people and they loved me.
100 Miles Away
When the call came notifying me that I must move to another parish 100 miles away, I began to go through what every person who has ever lost anyone they have loved in their lives goes through, a grieving process. At first I was angry. I wanted to hear that I really was not being transferred. I wanted to hear that they had found someone else to take over that huge parish and that I could stay in the home I had grown to love.
What I did not want to hear was some of my own preaching. “You and I are called to obedience” after the model of Mary and Jesus. In prayer, I heard the Lord calling me to my promise of obedience to the bishop. I went through the bargaining process, but finally came to the acceptance that this was where I was being called to serve.
The hardest thing for me to do was to keep the news of my transfer a secret from my staff until the time was right. I did not want to tell them too far in advance, but they needed to know soon enough to prepare for my leaving and begin preparations of saying goodbye. The announcements had to be made and the going-away party planned. I waited until one month before I was scheduled to be at the new parish.
How to Say Goodbye
I had learned years before how to say goodbye well. Although I was very sad about leaving, I put on a joyful face, repeating over and over again that this was an opportunity for me. The bishop has entrusted a huge parish with a huge congregation to me, with building plans in the works.
Deep down inside, my heart was aching. Through the tears, the goodbyes and the gifts, I packed my things and left the parish I had loved so much. I could see on their faces that they were grieving as much as I was at this loss, and yet this was when we were all called to grow and stretch in holiness. |
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With growth there will always come pain. Think of the Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane, and again on the cross. No one said we had to like it. Nonetheless, we must move through it in order to become better people on the other side of it. Hopefully, we become more holy people as we allow this transformation in our lives.
New Parish Grieving
As I introduced myself to my new parish I came to realize that, although I was still grieving deeply, so were they. Their pastor had been with them a long time and he was as loved here as I was back at my own parish. So I began my ministry here with a congregation who was sad.
I could see on their faces all the questions about me: (1) will I like him? (2) what changes will he make? (3) will he bore me to tears with his preaching? (4) will he fire all the staff? (5) what programmes will be eliminated? and so on.
As if that was not enough, I had my own questions about this new congregation: (1) will they like me? (2) will they like my preaching? (3) will they like my style of Catholicism? (4) will they get my sense of humour? (5) will they come to know and love me much as my last parish? I was very nervous at those first Masses. If I was following the will of God in my life and making this change in obedience to Him, then I must learn the lesson of trusting Him more.
Adjustments
During the last 10 months, people in the parish and I have worked through our own grieving over the losses we had just experienced. They are now in a period of adjustment to an entirely new and different style of priest than what they were used to in the past. I am a very strong leader with definite go, and expectations from the parish. As I work side by side with them, they are discovering that I am very involved in the entire parish life. They have come to realize that I take my ministry very seriously and that I am here to serve them, not to be served.
I am excited about building a beautiful new church, I am excited about making the school a model of teaching good Catholicism, with high moral values and expectations from the students, I am learning Spanish in order to relate better to our Hispanic community and increase their involvement in this parish. My grieving and sadness lifting, I am becoming my old self with a new congregation.
After all is said and done, I have come to know that good Christian people are good Christian people, no matter where a priest is sent. It takes time for change to take root in people’s loyalty and hearts. It takes time for priest’s loyalty and heart to change, my new parish and I settle into a comfortable relationship with one another, the work of God continues and people are still called to holiness, as I am.
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